H.A.N.K. 18

SEPT 16

Where: Casa de LubeStained’s (Diablo³)

6769 Fir Street

Suquamish wa
Feel free to park in front of Gandolf’s house two doors down

When: 12:00p
Hares away at 12:30ish (let’s be real, it will be more like 1p)

Who: Gobble Gobble Big Balls, Father Lube, It’s Still Stained, & Peggi’s Cumming Down the Mountain

What: True trail is under 2.69 miles A-A and it’s uphill for the first 2 miles and for the next 2 it’s all shiggy!! But then you finish with 1½ miles uphill to the wrong place!

What to bring?

6$ hash cash
Vessel
Virgins (who run for free)
Body glide for chaffing for some…
Anti-Monkey-Butt for the people in the know
Compass
Independence
Whistle
Bug Spray
Your hot brother
Your Sexy sister
New shoes
Vessel
Fireworks
Shiggy gear!!
Wet bag
More virgins
Bear Spray – seriously
Golf clubs
Cougar repellent unless you have a thing for older cats
Not dog friendly…sorry our dog doesn’t play well with other pups, and it’s his house. If there’s going to be bleeding it better be from broken tequila bottles

H.A.N.K. # Sweet 16 July 22 2018

Where: Buck Lake County Park, 6959 Buck Lake Rd NE, Hansville, WA 98340

When: 12:00
Hares away at 12:30ish

Who: Stinkin’ Pussy, Fucking Shittarded, and Gandalf my Weed

What: It’s our First Analversary! Somehow a bunch of half-minded, half-assers kept our shit together to make one full rotation around the sun.

What to bring?

8$ hashcash
Virgins (who run for free)
Flotation devices Really bring em

Compass
Your hot brother
New shoes
Vessel there will be a keg
Shiggy gear
Dry bag
Bear Spray
Cougar repellent

H.A.N.K. XIII 4.29.18

Start time is 12pm

Hares Stinkin Pussy, Anal Rose, Drug Em & Plug Em, Just Kenny

Hash Cash $7 or Free if your a virgin

Start: Port Gamble Forest Heritage Park, East side parking lot (next to water) https://tinyurl.com/yacjwlhk

Team Anal Plug is the Reason for OPEN SEASON!!

Your hares have ironed out some more details and now promise the following:

*Stinkin’s Song-Powered, Magic, vomit-inducing Teleportation Device.
*Drug ‘em’s Cure-all inoculations. You’ll need it.
*A chance to toast our farewell with Sad Henry.
*Bonafide beer sightings. I mean, bear sightings. Well, beer sightings too.
*Also, everyone will get laid. Everyone. Even you, Franzi!

Why? Cuz they’re leaving your asses. And do you think they would leave without showing you a trail that will beat all trails? HELL NO. We’ve enlisted the talents of the great Stinkin’ Pussy to help plan a Humpin’ style trail that will leave you breathless, witless, and definitely not sober. We’re even throwing in a new face; fresh meat and virgin hare, Just Kenny (don’t tell him, but he’s going to be the blood-sacrifice to the Almighty Gispert we’ve been planning for the Spring harvest of trails). We’ll show you amazements untold, but then we’re off to climes a warm and vistas new, and you’ll have to learn how to be this cool on your own, or at least wait until Stinkin’ can take time out to school ya.

No shit, this is gonna be a trail you won’t forget and you will do shit you’ve probably not done before. Our parting gift to you. And by the way, we’re not going to reward you for your treacherous Hash feats with Ranier or PBR. You climb a mountain? You swim a swamp? You dodge bears, blackberry bushes and barbed wire? You’ve earned a good beer. Hell, any self-respecting Hasher would come out just for that!

Don’t forget dry clothes and shoes that can lace up really, really tight. That’s not a joke.

Whistle

Vessel for drinking

Flashlight

Beer repellant err Bear

Change of clothes

Anything in your refrigerator that you want to get rid of to Open Season Team Anal Plug

Extra shoes