A half-assed boozy romp through the woods
Hares
Father Lube & Just Sandy
Date Dec 9th
Time 12pm Hares away 1230
Where
North kitsap Heritage Park24616 Miller Bay RoadKingston Wa
What to bring:
The Franzi Man
HENRY!
Cake(it’s Father’s barfday)
6$ hash cash
Virgins (who run for free)
Spankings for Father Lube
Compass
Bug Spray
Your hot brother
New shoes
Vessel
Shiggy gear
Dry bag
Bear Spray
Cougar repellent
Start at Fish Park Poulsbo
12pm
Hares away at 12:30ish
Who: Stinkin’ Pussy
What: A true half assed trail cum in costume
What to bring
FRANZY AND HENRY!
Id & cash for trail
Cake
6$ hash cash
Virgins (who run for free)
Spankings for Stinkin’
Compass
Bug Spray
Your hot brother
New shoes
Vessel
Shiggy gear
Dry bag
Bear Spray
Cougar repellent
Rain gear
Where: North Kitsap Heritage Park (Norman road entrance by the cemetery)
When: 12:00p
Hares away at 12:30ish
Who: Double Fisted Daddy Fucker, A Few Dicked Men
What: Hey half minds, it’s Halloween and the perfect time to head into the woods to look for dead bodies. Have you ever wanted to sacrifice a Virgin to the Dark Lord of the Woods?! Well here is your chance! Come out for a shit trail that is dog and eagle friendly (there will be a longer split for you jerks who try way too hard). With light shiggy, scary spirits, and your mom (she scares me).
What to bring?
6$ hash cash
Virgins (who run for free)
Body glide for chaffing
Compass
Bug Spray
Your hot brother
New shoes
Vessel
Shiggy gear
Dry bag
Bear Spray
Cougar repellent
SEPT 16
Where: Casa de LubeStained’s (Diablo³)
6769 Fir Street
Suquamish wa
Feel free to park in front of Gandolf’s house two doors down
When: 12:00p
Hares away at 12:30ish (let’s be real, it will be more like 1p)
Who: Gobble Gobble Big Balls, Father Lube, It’s Still Stained, & Peggi’s Cumming Down the Mountain
What: True trail is under 2.69 miles A-A and it’s uphill for the first 2 miles and for the next 2 it’s all shiggy!! But then you finish with 1½ miles uphill to the wrong place!
What to bring?
6$ hash cash
Vessel
Virgins (who run for free)
Body glide for chaffing for some…
Anti-Monkey-Butt for the people in the know
Compass
Independence
Whistle
Bug Spray
Your hot brother
Your Sexy sister
New shoes
Vessel
Fireworks
Shiggy gear!!
Wet bag
More virgins
Bear Spray – seriously
Golf clubs
Cougar repellent unless you have a thing for older cats
Not dog friendly…sorry our dog doesn’t play well with other pups, and it’s his house. If there’s going to be bleeding it better be from broken tequila bottles
Where: Buck Lake County Park, 6959 Buck Lake Rd NE, Hansville, WA 98340
When: 12:00
Hares away at 12:30ish
Who: Stinkin’ Pussy, Fucking Shittarded, and Gandalf my Weed
What: It’s our First Analversary! Somehow a bunch of half-minded, half-assers kept our shit together to make one full rotation around the sun.
What to bring?
8$ hashcash
Virgins (who run for free)
Flotation devices Really bring em
Compass
Your hot brother
New shoes
Vessel there will be a keg
Shiggy gear
Dry bag
Bear Spray
Cougar repellent
Start time is 12pm
Hares Stinkin Pussy, Anal Rose, Drug Em & Plug Em, Just Kenny
Hash Cash $7 or Free if your a virgin
Start: Port Gamble Forest Heritage Park, East side parking lot (next to water) https://tinyurl.com/yacjwlhk
Team Anal Plug is the Reason for OPEN SEASON!!
Your hares have ironed out some more details and now promise the following:
*Stinkin’s Song-Powered, Magic, vomit-inducing Teleportation Device.
*Drug ‘em’s Cure-all inoculations. You’ll need it.
*A chance to toast our farewell with Sad Henry.
*Bonafide beer sightings. I mean, bear sightings. Well, beer sightings too.
*Also, everyone will get laid. Everyone. Even you, Franzi!
Why? Cuz they’re leaving your asses. And do you think they would leave without showing you a trail that will beat all trails? HELL NO. We’ve enlisted the talents of the great Stinkin’ Pussy to help plan a Humpin’ style trail that will leave you breathless, witless, and definitely not sober. We’re even throwing in a new face; fresh meat and virgin hare, Just Kenny (don’t tell him, but he’s going to be the blood-sacrifice to the Almighty Gispert we’ve been planning for the Spring harvest of trails). We’ll show you amazements untold, but then we’re off to climes a warm and vistas new, and you’ll have to learn how to be this cool on your own, or at least wait until Stinkin’ can take time out to school ya.
No shit, this is gonna be a trail you won’t forget and you will do shit you’ve probably not done before. Our parting gift to you. And by the way, we’re not going to reward you for your treacherous Hash feats with Ranier or PBR. You climb a mountain? You swim a swamp? You dodge bears, blackberry bushes and barbed wire? You’ve earned a good beer. Hell, any self-respecting Hasher would come out just for that!
Don’t forget dry clothes and shoes that can lace up really, really tight. That’s not a joke.
Whistle
Vessel for drinking
Flashlight
Beer repellant err Bear
Change of clothes
Anything in your refrigerator that you want to get rid of to Open Season Team Anal Plug
Extra shoes
You know what we haven’t done in a while? Had some good old drinking practice!
And this one is extra special. We’ll be meeting at All Star Lanes for their Rock ‘n Bowl Karaoke +Anal ‘n Drug ‘Em’s Pre-Unofficial-Going-Away Party!
Please RSVP so we have an idea of how many lanes to reserve.
April 21 8pm
All Star Lanes Silverdale
Your Hares Stinkin Pussy and It’s Still StainedHSWTF
Hash Cash free if paid for All weekend $7 if not
Bring a change of clothes or shoes
Vessels
Ids and cash for trail
Low self esteem
Virgins
ON ON
Stinkin
Thank you Seattle RDR committee. You did a great job. HANK had a great time. Panty Ho & Bloody Stool get me your address and I’ll send you a patch.
On On
STINKIN
Half-Assed North Kitsap (H.A.N.K.) 