Category: Uncategorized

HASH TRASH H.A.N.K. 009

So there we were! Holy hell fire shit tell us about it mother fucker! Like I said there we were standing in the raid in the backyard of Just Ace childhood home.  The pack was ready for Virgin shiggy, not 1 not 2 but 3 beerchecks, a danger can, Kool Aid of the Day (KOD) and of course a sandwich check.  Also a scavenger hunt for colored paperclips at YBFs

Hares away as Split Doggy Dog led the pack in the chicken song.  Pack away we find trail and head out going about 1 block we come to a check we search and find trail Motor Boating Hoes find the YBF and clips, Stinkin find BN and heads into the virgin shiggy to find the beer. After we head right and go about 2 more blocks and go into the woods to find a butt check and KOD.     As we head out to trial we go 100 yards and stinkin finds a danger can he shares with the pack.

As we go back on trail Anal Rose and Stinkin find 2 razor scooter in the woods and ride off to the non sunset.  The pack follows to a sandwich and beer check were we continue to enjoy a snack and beverage. Stinkin heads out to find a YBF and paperclips and a Back Beer check.  

We head back to the house for circle and the naming of Just Ace.  After the pack comes up with some great names he will forever be know as Gandolf My Weed!

Anal Rose leads the pack in circle with down downs and songs.  It’s Still Stained is still our Hash Shit the keeper of Henry.  Anal leads the pack in Swing Low.  May the pack go in peace!  May the pack get a peice!  

Next trail Feb 4th Hares Curious Butthole, Dirty Manchez, and Split Doggy Dog

On On 

Stinkin Pussy

2017 – 2018 mismanagement 

Grand Master – Stinkin Pussy

Religious Advisor – Anal Rose

Beer Meister – Stinkin Pussy

Song Meister  – Shoe Said Head

Habadashery – Stinkin Pussy 

Hare Rasier – Fucking Shittarded

Hash Cash – Fucking  Shittarded

Hash Secretary – Fucking Shittarded

Hash Flash – Father Lube

Hash Geek – Stinking Pussy

Role Descriptions (Like you Care):

 Grand Master:

General Manager, oversees of the hash, god or goddess of all that is H.A.N.K, making sure others do their jobs, calling meetings and stepping up to fill other jobs if someone is unable.

Religious Advisors:

One of the most important jobs in the hash. Maintains the integrity of the circle including all its traditions, leads or helps to leads the circle in songs, keeps crowd control and starts circle in a timely matter (usually best before food is put out). The goal is to have maximum participation in the circle and to express the importance of this ritual to hashes everywhere. The occasional smack down may be needed but respect is the most powerful tool. Duties also include making sure down down beer is ready (provided by the hares) and cups are available for those who are without, a special down down vessel is always a nice touch. It helps to be loud, fun and likable.

Beer Meister 

This is the back-up to the hares. When the hares are unable to pick up a keg beer meister  picks up the slack and gets the Keg instead. Beer Meister ranges for the bucket and tap to make it to the start so it can be given to the hares and as an added bonus they do not have to pay hash cash when they perform their duties. When Kegs are not required Beer Bitch is no better than any other hasher.

Song Meister: 

This is a hasher with no self-respect. (S)he never lacks for a song suitable to the occasion. His songs are risqué, lewd, and vulgar. The Songmeister speaks with other hashers and hashes to acquire songs to add to the hash hymnal. The mission is to explore new tunes and new celebrations. To boldly go where no Songmeister has gone before (pardon the split infinitive.)

Hash Haberdasher:
Sells the shirts, lanyards and other H.A.NK. hash items before and after the hash, helps to arrange orders of new items and support the design of new orders with the rest of mismanagement, get freebies to those traveling to other hashes and generally force people into buying as much of our wonderful shit as possible.

Hare Raiser:

Fills the calendar with interested hares, keeping up the calendar so dates are filled well in advance. E-mail, call or otherwise discuss the role of hares to all hares who agree to take a date on the calendar. Bribe, beg, force, guilt or find other means of getting virgins and other slackers to pick up a date.

Hash Cash:

Treasurer of the hash, before each hash they collect the hash cash, repay the hares up to $40, manage the hash account, and give aways, deposit money and bitch at people who choose to pay in coins.

Hash Secretary:

Maintains the hash book and the running count of how many hashes each person has attended. At the start of each hash they sit with hash cash and sign in all the hashers as they pay. Once a month or so they update the spreadsheet with the count of each hashers and keep track of who has reached prize worthy numbers (10, 25, 50, 69, and 100). Hold the prizes and ensure that necklaces get made.

Hash Flash:

Recorder of all events using the hash digital camera (or passing it off to other willing photographers). Upload the pictures to fb. Some pictures may need to be edited or removed before posting due to nudity or crappy photo taking. Also required to charge the battery in advance of the hash so sad hashers are not left without memories because some jack ass forgot to do it.

On Geek:

Updates the website with counts of hashers, changes in guidelines, updates in mismanagement and adding new links when needed. Most difficult job in Mismanagement and we nabbed a real weiner this time.

Half-Assed North Kitsap was brought to you on July 9th 2017 by Don’t Need No Stinkin’ Pussy & Anal Rose

H.A.N.K. 009

H.AN.N.K. 009 Hobbunist Party Hash
Jan 7th 2018
12p -4pm

Hash $ $0.69 donation – It’s Just Ace’s birthday, and call him crazy… No really, just call him crazy.

Hares – Just Ace, Father Lube

Location – 15960 Odyssey CT Poulsbo Wa

Trail is Benny friendly, so it won’t be other dog friendly.

Crazy or not he’s already bought beer, liquor and lunch. So pitch in what you can.

Length – 69√69,000,000 miles

Too many beer checks for most hashers to count, including “back beer” checks. Also liquor check(s)

Roumor has it that there is some sort of secret side games, with hashy prizes.

Bring mountain bike, bowling ball, one ring to rule them all, purple sunglasses, a copy of Das Kapital and virgins all the VIRGINS

What is the H.A.N.K. HASH (Half-Assed North Kitsap)

Our hash was co-founded by Stinkin Pussy and Anal Rose to welcome Virgins to experience the wonders of hashing without being scared off by the idea of putting feet to the pavement in the honor of fun. While other hashes in the area definitely offer a great time, our hash expands on some different traditions with the focus more on fun than running. But we are NOT a “walking” hash. Our trails offer as much shiggy and fun as other hash trails, at a fraction of the size! Our only set rules are that the virgins are welcome, the beer is flowing and the trails are not too long!

How do I start Hashing with H.A.N.K.?

How do I start hashing with Half-Assed?!
1. Must be at least twenty-one years old. We’re a drinking club (with a running problem). There will be alcohol.
2. Visit this page to find the run start information (when, where, how much it costs, who’s haring, special notes, etc)
3. Show up! This hash is for you! We can’t wait to meet you!
4. VIRGINS RUN FOR FREE!!! (virgins have never hashed before. Ever.)
5. Wear shoes and clothes you don’t care about. You might get dirty!
6. Bring a change of clothes appropriate for the climate and a dry pair of shoes.
7. Bring a flashlight. You may run in the dark, even in the middle of the day!
8. Bring an open mind and a good sense of humor. We pick on everybody!
9. Bring an open minded friend with a good sense of humor. We love a crowd!
10. Leave the children* at home. We’re an adult hash and we may say a bad word or two.
*Children = anyone 0-20 years old and anyone who has a personal lawyer or ax to grind.

Half Assed Missmanagement
How do I hare for Half-Assed? (Basic Hare Guide)
1. The trail cannot be longer than three miles. Shoot for 2.5 to be sure. We’re called the Half-Assed for a reason!
2. Contact the hare raiser and set a date
3. HANKH3 Runs when HSWTFH3, Giggity H3 or hash event in Seattle is not happening.
4. You are responsible for everything.
5. If you don’t want to deal with food or have an ending near food, make sure you post that in your run notes
6. The trail cannot be longer than three miles.
7. Don’t forget, virgins are free!!!
8. Stay in your budget or charge a bigger fee accordingly
9. Provide your expense receipts! Profits, if any, go to the hash.
10. Did we mention that the trail cannot be longer than three miles?